Metamorphosis

This post was originally a message prepared in 2020.  I'm reposting a version here as the theme of metamorphosis I find myself returning to repeatedly. 

Most of you know me as Em, but it might be helpful for my story telling if you know a few other things about me:

• I have 3 kids. 5-year-old (now 9) EJ who started school this year, and 3 (now 6) in October twin girls AJ and CJ
• I’m married to Tim – all around excellent human.
• We pastor a small church of Christ, in Newcastle NSW. 
• We’re from Victoria – and all of our family except for my sister-in-law – resides on the other side of the closed border.
• I work in the world of people & culture, helping organisations and teams flourish. 

I’ll tell you one more thing – and this probably only applies to me 😊 – I like to have an element of certainty and control in my life (just ask my husband 😊)

So this year (2020)… what a year hey. The year has not turned out as I planned. All of the rhythms and structures that have given shape to our lives have been disrupted in one way or another. For me that has included working from home, no daycare for four months, school at home, online church services, ministries suspended, Zoom gatherings including Zoom weddings and Zoom funerals. No holidays overseas, no grandparents visiting, no trips back to Victoria to spend time with friends. The illusion of certainty and control continually being stripped away.

I don’t know about you, but there have been some incredibly hard moments.

I am a words person and one of the hardest things for me, is that I hadn’t been able to put words to what is happening – externally, but more importantly what is happening internally. At least not any words that are appropriate for me to use here 😊.

For a while I felt most at home in the Old Testament - Ecclesiastes – life is meaningless or Lamentations – grieving what is being witnessed. But instead of words – it has been a picture, or maybe a science lesson – that has really helped to shape and bring understanding to what has been taking place within me, within our church ministry, at work, and maybe even far beyond in the Church and the world.

Metamorphosis  - A Greek words that means transformation or change in shape. The most familiar of this process is that of a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. Now, I need to apologise to my year 8 science teacher Mr Gregurke, because I clearly didn’t pay enough attention. So, in case you weren’t paying attention in science either, let me share with you what has captured my attention, particularly what is happening to the caterpillar in the pupa stage after it has crawled into its cocoon.

The caterpillar is not just resting in this phase. Within the safety of a cocoon, the caterpillar digests itself, releasing enzymes that it has been carrying onboard, to dissolve all of its tissue except for what is required to form the features of its adult form – the butterfly. 

This is what I was/have/am feeling. There has been a dissolving and a breaking down of rhythms and structures that we’ve become used to and attached to. I’ve been liquefying into caterpillar soup. 

Maybe you have felt that way this year, or in times of transition in the past. Maybe you haven’t felt this yet, but maybe one day you will. 

Here is a promise – the process of liquifying does not lead to the death of the caterpillar but to the new creation. There is the promise of something beautiful to come, but the metamorphosis process is messy, uncomfortable, and sometimes painful.

Everyone loves a good transformation story – Who doesn’t love some reality tv that involves a transformation be that house reno or makeover. And no one more, than us as followers of Jesus. We love to celebrate the new creation. I love 2 Corinthians 5: 17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come:[a] The old has gone, the new is here!". 

The new is here!

We all love the metamorphosis picture. But we want to rush to the point where we burst out of our cocoons as beautiful new creations. What I have been learning and relearning in this season of transition is that the way of Jesus, the way of transformation, is the way of death. A continual breaking down of the old. Old habits, old mindsets, old structures and rhythms that in our caterpillary ways we have come to rely on. There here needs to be a breaking down, a disintegration of the old so that the new can emerge. 

It is not always easy. It is messy, uncomfortable and often painful. 

We don’t have to look far in scripture for this. Eventually, I moved out of the Old Testament and found a kingdom words to reflect the metamorphosis picture in Paul’s words to the Corinthians. 

2 Corinthians 4

7 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

13 It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.”[b] Since we have that same spirit of[c] faith, we also believe and therefore speak, 14 because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. 15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

Just like the caterpillar that carries with it the enzymes that bring about its end as a caterpillar. We carry in our body the death of Jesus and are constantly being given over to death. Death of ego, death of the illusion of control and certainty, death of structures and rhythms and habits that we anchor our sense of security to. Death to bring life, the new creation, which is for our benefit. The most glorious metamorphosis that will one day be brought to completion. 

But the liquefying of the old, and the creation of the new is messy, and it takes time. So what can we do in the meantime?

We can lift our eyes.

It is human (and caterpillar-like) to focus on what is disintegrating and the pain and discomfort that goes with it because we can’t always see what is ahead, or what the new will be. In ourselves, in our families, in our churches, in our work. But I know this. God sees it. I also know that God loves me, our community and church at Mayfield, more than I ever will. He loves our families, communities and churches far more than we ever will. He sees what is ahead. So in whatever transition we find ourselves in personally/organisationally – we are called to fix our eyes on him. "18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal".

We can give ourselves over to the process. 

Whether you call it, the metamorphosis of a liquefying caterpillar, refiners fire, or pruning from the vinedresser. The discipleship journey is one of death to make room for life.

"12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you".

I’m a bit of a slow learner. Sometimes it takes me a while to realise what is happening, and that’s usually when it is most painful. Once you become aware of what is happening, you can give yourself over to the process. More than that, we can submit to the one who holds us in this process, with hope and confidence that something good, beautiful and purposeful will be on the other side. There’s still mess and discomfort, grief and pain but when we submit to Him we can also experience His presence, freedom, and joy.  

And finally, if I can stretch the analogy just a little further.

We need a safe cocoon.

The caterpillar carries within it the enzymes that bring about its death as a caterpillar. If those enzymes are activated before the safety of the cocoon, it’s just death. But when they are activated within the safety of the cocoon, death brings life. 

If you liquefy without the cocoon, there’s just mess all over the place. We need a safe environment for the disintegration and recreation process. For me, the cocoon is anchoring into my faith and spiritual rhythms, a church community, supportive family and friends, and having some carefully chosen people of wisdom in my life.

God is in the business of change and transformation. As a Christian, I follow a God who is in the business of the transformation of lives and communities. But I wonder if we are honest with ourselves, whether we prefer the messy work of transformation to be done out there in the world - at arm's length, rather than in our own lives, churches and communities, and even less so in our hearts.

I share my story of what it feels like to be a liquefying caterpillar in the hope that you see, as I have, the invitation from God for metamorphosis. That in times of change and uncertainty, you would find encouragement and strength. That you would fix your eyes on Him, and surrender yourself to His process, having confidence in the One who you in that process, and to activate your cocoon so that something more beautiful can emerge, "not only for your benefit but for the glory of God".

 -Em

Photo by Suzanne D. Williams on Unsplash

A different kind of HR

Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

When people find out I'm a HR professional, they love to share their stories, mostly horror stories, of toxic work environments, terrible bosses, and dysfunctional or incompetent HR functions. I laugh along with them as they share funny anecdotes, empathise and encourage them if they find themselves in challenging circumstances, and provide insight and advice when invited to. All the while, I am thinking to myself 'it doesn't have to be this way'. 

Exhibit A

Recently a friend shared a story of a meeting that took place in her workplace. She works in an industry that is extremely pressured and complex. It is an industry that relies on its people to provide effective services to clients. The organisation and the industry are already struggling to attract and retain quality staff and yet the HR person at this organisation told the already struggling team, that if they had a problem - too bad - they could easily be replaced. 🥺🥺🥺

It doesn't have to be this way...

• Efficiency and effectiveness doesn't have to come at the cost of people (who are overworked and undervalued).
• Creating a healthy organisational culture isn't a warm and fuzzy thing that is nice to have. It is an essential component to creating sustainable effective and high-performing teams.
• HR does not have to be an either-or scenario, Team Management or Team Employee. HR can be both/and - A strategic partner for the organisation, to aid in the achievement of the organisation's goals and strategy, and influence and advocate for practices that will build a healthy culture and develop capabilities for individuals and teams to thrive. 

The 'old-skool' approach to HR is what gives the rest of us a bad wrap. An approach to HR that literally thinks about humans as resources and an HR function that operates as the organisational police, or worse, the organisational bully. 

But it doesn't have to be this way. And fortunately, there are growing numbers of HR professionals and organisations that recognise the value of HR as a strategic partner, that can help create cultures that people want to be a part of, and that can champion both people and an organisation's mission, vision and strategy.

Do you have a HR horror story or great HR experience?  Feel free to share it in the comments. 

A fresh page

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

 The cursor blinks at me as I grapple with how to summarise the last three years.

 So much change. 

So much growth and learning, pain and grieving, joy and heartache, the daily grind and adventure. 

And yet, there is so much that has remained constant.  My family and friends who love me generously. The kids who bring chaos, curiosity and fun to our lives. Timmy, continues to be the most wholehearted person I know, enabling those around him to discover more of who God has created them to be. And a God whose love is unchanging, gently guiding and leading through us through the valleys and the mountaintops. 

Now I find myself in a place where I am drawn to start writing again. I give myself permission to jump in, right where we are. No need to summarise the last three years. We'll catch up. It will leak out in the lessons learned, in the parts of me that have grown and changed. In the things that I now hold tighter to and the things that I have let go of. 

And so I open to the next fresh page. The cursor blinking with anticipation of what tomorrow brings. 

Em

Adjusting Expectations of Self

Photo by Liana Mikah on Unsplash

Do you carry the burden of weight from expectations that you place upon yourself?
We all feel the weight of expectations at different times, and I don’t know about you but the expectations of others in my life are a far lighter load, than the ones that I often have for myself. 

Over the years I have had to learn (and relearn) to temper the expectations for myself. The compounding characteristics of an achiever with perfectionist tendencies, driven by high levels of responsibility without healthy boundaries and expectations, lead to nowhere good. Sometimes a slight adjustment is all that is needed. 

We’ve recently celebrated the arrival of a new baby for some friends. I’ve always loved the love language of food, and appreciated the gift of not having to think about how to feed myself and the family in the fog of life with a newborn. I held a brief picture in my head of me in my 1950s housewife apron, whipping up culinary delights that would be at home on the menu of a hatted restaurant...and then I realised that I was setting some unhealthy expectations for myself. It’s a struggle feeding my own family. I rely on meal delivery to limit the amount of time spent on decision making, grocery shopping and meal preparation. Trying to meet my own expectations was going to lead to one of two outcomes. I would either add a level of stress and activity to my life and life of family that was going to cause some sort of angst or because I couldn’t achieve the perfect outcome in mind, I’d do nothing.

Instead I decided on a third option and adjusted the expectations I had for myself. What was I really trying to achieve? I wanted the newly minted parents to feel loved and supported, and not have to worry about preparing dinner for a couple of nights. Could I achieve the same outcome without adding to life’s load? Yes. There are probably half a dozen ways that I could do this. I chose to purchase and deliver some delicious meals from a local small business. My friends weren’t expecting anything, the only expectations adding weight were my own.By slightly adjusting the expectations that I had for myself,  I was able to show my friends love and support without creating unrealistic expectations for myself. 

Are there areas of your life where you are carrying a burden of expectation that you have created for yourself? How could you adjust those expectations to achieve your hoped for outcome in a healthier way?

Have you found the freedom that comes from adjusting an expectation that you have for yourself? I’d love for you to share your story.

P.S  I also purchased a meal for my family too, which solved last night's dinner problem 😃

Top tips for facilitating online meetings

Photo by visuals on Unsplash

Facilitating workshops, training and various types of meetings is something that I love to do. Many workplaces have had to move to digital spaces due to the current COVID-19 crisis, and are now using video conferencing software like Zoom to keep teams connected and to continue to work productively.

While there are definite advantages to online meetings, like being able to connect a geographically dispersed team, if you don't adjust your facilitation techniques to the digital space, your meeting participants, will be scrolling emails and watching TikToks before you know it and you won't even know it.

Recently I was asked to share my top tips with a group of workshop facilitators, and this is what they were:

1. Lift your energy levels - If you don't do anything else, do this!

Engaging your meeting participants for a sustained period requires additional energy. Just chatting with the screen in a large meeting will have people zoning out and checking their email or doing other things very quickly. My advice is to at least double the energy that you would normally present with so that it makes it through to the other side of the screen.

If you have one, work with your co-facilitator to create energy together – interact, ask questions, laugh at each other’s jokes :D

2. Be aware of your body language and in-frame distractions

Look directly at the camera where possible (rather than at a second screen or elsewhere in the room) so that people feel like you are talking directly to them. People have a tendency to forget that they are being viewed by an audience up close and personal on the screen. Be mindful of your body language - stretching, yawning, slumping in your chair, is all captured front and center.

While you might be able to get away with wearing your slippers, anything that is in frame can make or break the engagement of your participants. That goes for your background too - weird painting, school photo of you at 15, your pet guinea pigs - check that there's nothing too distracting in frame.


3. Work with a co-facilitator

For larger groups it is helpful to have a co-facilitator. Assign roles specific roles. For example, one person can host the meeting, and a co facilitator can monitor chat for questions and comments, be the one responding to technical queries and the phone calls letting you know that they can't get their sound working.


4. Use names

The advantage of Zoom and most video conferencing software is that the names of your participants are listed on the screen. Use names to direct questions and elicit comments from the group. Read the room, like you would in person. Do they look like they have a question or want to say something? Ask them.

5. Don't mute yourself

If you are the meeting host, co-host or facilitator, don't mute yourself (unless you're going to sneeze). Facilitators needs to be able to jump in, redirect, add comments and be conversational. Try to create as much natural energy and flow as possible. A moment missed or an awkward 5 seconds while you try to find the button to unmute can undermine that flow.


6. Leverage the software functions and outline protocols

Leverage the functionality of your software - use chat, polls and screen share functions to provide different ways for people to participate. As a host you can mute video and audio of participants. You may need to do these if people haven’t used Zoom before, or there’s too much background noise or other distractions - like the empty chair of the person who signed in earlier but is nowhere to be seen now.

At the beginning of your session, outline any protocols that you are going to use in the meeting, for example post your questions in the chat as we go, just jump in to comment or use the 'raise hand' function if you want to respond.

So Here Goes...

Photo by Simson Petrol on Unsplash

I used to blog a fair bit over here and then we moved and I changed jobs. Life changed and I lost momentum and for some reason became a bit self-conscious. Despite this, over recent months I have felt the urge to start again. I've probably got about one hundred blog posts drafted in my mind and I've been fiddling around with the aesthetics of this blog for weeks but I still haven't posted.

This post by Sarah Bessey got me thinking about what's been stopping me from pressing the publish button and reflecting on why I started blogging in the first place and what keeps drawing me back. 

I started thinking about whether I had anything of value to write about. Was there any point in one more blog? My perfectionism crippled any creativity. What if my writing is no good? What if my punctuation is lousy? What if I get that apostrophe in the wrong spot? I regressed into an adolescent self-consciousness about what others would think of me if they did read my writing. What if people think I'm a tool just for having a blog? What if they don't like what I have to say? (Why is it so human to need approval from others?)

Here's the thing, even with all of that stuff in my head I still feel drawn to writing stuff down and posting it out there in the universe.

I blog because writing (even if it's not very good) is a creative outlet. I can't knit (or write) like Sarah Bessey. I can't paint or draw. But I love to read and write. I enjoy it and I get a sense of satisfaction from writing something and then publishing it. Writing helps me process the messy bits of life. It gives me an outlet to rant and rave and it gives my sweet husband a rest from my ear bashing. Writing helps me let go of things rather than holding them in my mind. I don't know about you but things can get cluttered up in here but if I write stuff down it allows me to let go.

And so here I am, about to press publish on my first post in a long time. Feeling good about doing something that for some reason, I just feel like I need to do it. And if by chance

you stumble across this little blog and it brings you some sense of encouragement or prompts you to think about something a little differently, that's a bonus. If you're bothered by my writing style, lack of punctuation, or lame content,  that's o.k too. I won't be offended if you click on out of here.

Have you been holding back from doing something that would bring you joy and satisfaction?

Understatement of the Year

In the 1986 movie Crocodile Dundee, Mick "Crocodile" Dundee calls out a would be street thug who is trying to hold them up at knife point by presenting his own, much bigger and more threatening knife, "That's not a knife. THAT's a knife". I don't even remember when I saw this movie but that particular line has played itself out in my mind numerous times this year.

At the beginning of the year, when we had some time away, I'd had some time to reflect on what 2017 might hold. I had a sense that it was going to be a pretty big year. I didn't really need to be too in tune with my spidey senses to get to that particular piece of insight. A quick inventory of all that we hoped to achieve in the year was enough (work, ministry, study for both Tim and I, family life which includes a busy two-year-old...well you get the picture).

And then we got to April...and we found out that we were pregnant...and then we found out it was twins...and then I felt like God had a great chuckle as he says to me, "that's not a big year. THIS is a big year". 

Prioritising Worship at Christmas

Worship Fully- Advent Conspiracy

The last few weeks before Christmas are always a bit crazy as work winds up and end of year functions are jammed in to the calendar. Last minute shopping becomes more urgent and the family gatherings begin. For quite a few years I felt pretty bah humbug about Christmas. Everything about it made me feel a little crazy. The frantic shopping, carols over the loudspeaker in October, way too much stuff I didn't need or want, and a very sad looking bank account. I felt stressed, tired and irritable at this time of year. Nobody wants that and I certainly didn't want to be experiencing it year after year.

We started exploring other ways of doing Christmas- picnic lunches, less gift giving and then I discovered Advent Conspiracy, a movement to encourage us to celebrate Christmas differently based on four tenets: worship fully, spend less, give more, love all. This gave me a way of reframing the advent season and helped me to resdiscover the joy of Christmas. 

The most transforming component of this in my life as been through the prioritizing of worship throughout advent. Perhaps you're thinking, "Isn't that obvious? Aren't you supposed to be a pastor's wife?"...but I know that for me and I'm guessing if you're honest, for you as well, it was been so easy to get distracted by the long 'to do' list and calendar of gatherings, that we've let worship slip right to the bottom of the list. The things that we place above worship seem honorable - it's about family, it's about spending time together. But these are the same things that those that do not know God prioritise at Christmas. We are called to '...seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well" (Matthew 6:33). Even at Christmas.

It's cliched but Jesus is the reason for the season and therefore worship should be at the top of our priorities. And what I've discovered is that when I have placed  worship above the other trappings of Christmas you get to experience the peace, joy and love that we sing about in carols. 

I'm no longer irritated by carols in the shopping centre. I love that I can sing of God's good news  while I'm shopping. 

I don't find church and extra music practices a hassle. It's a chance to reflect on and celebrate God goodness.

I don't find all of the social engagements with friends and family wearing. I'm able to enjoy the company of whoever I am with out of the overflow that comes from the love that I know in Jesus.

So whether you've already set up your tent at your annual camping spot or whether you're still working and trying to figure out how you are going to get everything done, I encourage you to prioritise worship. Open God's word, spend some time in prayer, make worship at  a church service a part of your family Christmas traditions and "...all these things will be given to you as well".

Em

Reflecting on God's Favour

Image: Aaron Burden CC0 1.0

Have you ever prayed for God's favour for yourself, others or a particular situation? I have. What is it that you imagine God's favour might look like in your life? A healthy bank balance, answered prayers, great relationships, a problem free existence? I will admit that these are the types of things I'm hoping for  when I pray for God's favour. 

This week while preparing for my Sunday message I was looking at Luke 1 and the exchange between Mary and the angel Gabriel and was struck by this...

Luke 1:28-29  28 The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God.

• Mary was favoured by God. She was chosen to give birth to the Son of the Most High. That is some honour!
• But Mary was greatly troubled by the greeting.  It makes me wonder what she had known or observed about God's work in herself or those around her.
• The honour and favour bestowed upon Mary did not equate to a trouble free life. In fact it added whole bunch of complications to her life and relationships. Starting with having to tell her fiance that she was pregnant and ultimately ending with seeing her son crucified.These things look quite different to those things I imagine come as the result of God's favour. 

It is very human of us to want to find take the easy road and to try and find ways of avoiding trouble and challenge in our lives. It's tempting think that following God will make life easier but it's not actually true and sometimes (perhaps even often), like for Mary, being favoured by God can add new layers of complexity, challenge, suffering and sacrifice. 

I choose to draw encouragement from this. The life of a disciple is not easy. In the words of Jesus "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33b

Em

Why I Love My Small Group

This week I'm looking forward to having dinner with my small group as we celebrate the end of the year. We are an eclectic bunch of women across different ages and seasons in life and, perhaps a little unexpectedly, has become a special group that is rich in love and provided a place of sanctuary and encouragement for each of us as we navigate the mountain tops and valleys of life.

I'm a big advocate for small groups and believe that they are an important part of kingdom life as we seek to spur one another on as part of being healthy and growing disciples. I've been in a lot of small groups along the way. In each one I have experienced great friendship and done lots of learning but there have been a couple of small groups that have been special, where relationships run deep, where we're on the same page and it is totally safe to ask the big questions of life and it's totally o.k to not be o.k.

There are at least three common elements that I've found each of these special groups to have:

1) Common purpose

We know why we gather and while we might be in different seasons and spaces there is a commonality to our purpose. For some groups it might be to deepen relationships or for others to study the Word or for others to spur one another on in the pursuit of God or a combination of these and other things but whatever the purpose is it is shared by everyone.

2) Shared expectations

Following on from common purpose, the most successful and meaningful groups I have been a part of have had shared expectations around what it actually looks like to be a group The routines and habits of the group fit with the shared purpose and we know what the expectations are. Small groups can be frustrating if each person attending has different expectations for what will occur when you meet together. If I'm expecting that I will spend time on deepening relationships through conversation but someone else comes with the expectation that the group is going to be focused on in-depth exegesis of scripture then one or both  of us might be disappointed.

3) High trust

My favorite small groups have been safe places where there is high trust. You can be your true messy self and not feel judged or condemned. You can ask questions without feeling foolish. You can be vulnerable knowing that nothing you say will be used against you or shared beyond the group. You can seek guidance, feedback and encouragement knowing that each person wants what is best for you. This is critical in any small group if there is a desire to go beyond the surface and to really do life together but it is one of things that I have been most grateful for in my current group. Among the amazing group of a women that I meet with there is a pastor, a pastor's wife, an elder's wife, an ex-pastor's wife. Everyone needs a safe place but I think it's even harder for those connected with ministry life because the lines between work, ministry and relationships are so blurry. There are often expectations (real or perceived) upon those in ministry roles and it can be very isolating if you don't have any space to to totally be yourself, baggage and all.

I am so grateful for all of the groups I have been  a part of and for the people that I have been able to share life with along the way. I am thankful for the prayer, encouragement, friendship, tears and laughter as we have walked together and discerned God's word together. I firmly believe in the importance of small groups for spiritual growth and I would encourage you to find one where there is common purpose, shared expectations and high trust so that you can get a true taste of kingdom life.

Em

Are there other elements that contribute to a great small group? I'd love it if you left a comment.

Image: Cristina Cerda - CC0 1.0

Secrets of the Heart

Photo: 'Love is always' by Sara Alfred- CC BY 2.0

I've been reading 'Live, Love, Lead' by Brian Houston (2015), founder and global senior pastor of Hillsong Church. He talks about the secret to living a full and abundant life coming back to what is going on in our hearts. I was captured by the image of God planting unique things or 'secrets' in our heart.

"God plants such beautiful things in our hearts. We often think of secrets in a negative way...But what about those "secrets" that God has pioneered in your heart, something that's just between the two of you- a desire, a yearning, a longing, something that brings tears to your eyes and stirs something deep down inside you." (Houston, 2015, p137)

I feel like I'm at a place where I need to rediscover those secrets  in my heart. In my twenties these secrets seemed obvious, I felt the yearning. Then life happened and I've taken on other roles as spouse, parent,  partner in ministry. I've tried to be faithful in pursuing God's  call on my life and know that as a family we are where we are supposed to be. Yet sometimes following this path has felt like it is leading me in a totally different direction to the things that would fulfill the desires of my heart as I would have described them not so long ago. But more than that, I am not sure if I'm still able to recognise the secrets in my heart. Are my long held desires are still relevant? What are the things that stir me? What has God planted in my heart?

And so my friend, I think that one of the things that I need to do is to rediscover the secrets in my heart.

Em

What are the secrets that God has placed in your heart? How have you discovered or rediscovered the vision that God has placed in your heart? Leave a comment.

Conspicuous by their Absence

Photo: 'Library' by Stewart Butterfield-CC BY 2.0

I love reading. I will read anything: fiction, non-fiction, the back of the rice bubble packet, for pleasure, study, work or ministry. Anyway, today for the first time in a while I was browsing my local Christian bookstore looking for inspiration to add to my 'to read' pile stacked up by my bed. I'd been thinking and reading about leadership over the last little while and on a whim today thought it would be good to hear some of the stories and experiences and wisdom from Christian women on leadership.

I wander on over to the leadership section and scan the books, quickly at first, and then more deliberately. There would have been over a hundred books on leadership on the shelves and how many were written by women? One. And that one was about leading 'women's ministry' complete with floral cover.

I was surprised at first, and then not, and then disappointed. While I've learnt a lot about leadership and ministry from great quality leaders and writers who are men there are some unique experiences, opportunities and challenges for women in leadership and ministry roles (Having to wrestle with and justify whether being in Christian leadership as a woman is Biblical just as a starting point- I'll need another post for that topic). And I would love to learn more from those who have gone before me.

Standing in front of those shelves today was the catalyst for me to revamp a very old and neglected blog. I felt motivated to create a space where I can process and reflect and maybe even connect with others-men and women,  to learn from and encourage one another as we walk our unique paths in ministry, leadership and life.

I'd love it if you would join me.

Em

Have you got any recommendations for what I could be reading at the moment? Leave it in the comments.