This week I'm looking forward to having dinner with my small group as we celebrate the end of the year. We are an eclectic bunch of women across different ages and seasons in life and, perhaps a little unexpectedly, has become a special group that is rich in love and provided a place of sanctuary and encouragement for each of us as we navigate the mountain tops and valleys of life.
I'm a big advocate for small groups and believe that they are an important part of kingdom life as we seek to spur one another on as part of being healthy and growing disciples. I've been in a lot of small groups along the way. In each one I have experienced great friendship and done lots of learning but there have been a couple of small groups that have been special, where relationships run deep, where we're on the same page and it is totally safe to ask the big questions of life and it's totally o.k to not be o.k.
There are at least three common elements that I've found each of these special groups to have:
1) Common purpose
We know why we gather and while we might be in different seasons and spaces there is a commonality to our purpose. For some groups it might be to deepen relationships or for others to study the Word or for others to spur one another on in the pursuit of God or a combination of these and other things but whatever the purpose is it is shared by everyone.
2) Shared expectations
Following on from common purpose, the most successful and meaningful groups I have been a part of have had shared expectations around what it actually looks like to be a group The routines and habits of the group fit with the shared purpose and we know what the expectations are. Small groups can be frustrating if each person attending has different expectations for what will occur when you meet together. If I'm expecting that I will spend time on deepening relationships through conversation but someone else comes with the expectation that the group is going to be focused on in-depth exegesis of scripture then one or both of us might be disappointed.
3) High trust
My favorite small groups have been safe places where there is high trust. You can be your true messy self and not feel judged or condemned. You can ask questions without feeling foolish. You can be vulnerable knowing that nothing you say will be used against you or shared beyond the group. You can seek guidance, feedback and encouragement knowing that each person wants what is best for you. This is critical in any small group if there is a desire to go beyond the surface and to really do life together but it is one of things that I have been most grateful for in my current group. Among the amazing group of a women that I meet with there is a pastor, a pastor's wife, an elder's wife, an ex-pastor's wife. Everyone needs a safe place but I think it's even harder for those connected with ministry life because the lines between work, ministry and relationships are so blurry. There are often expectations (real or perceived) upon those in ministry roles and it can be very isolating if you don't have any space to to totally be yourself, baggage and all.
I am so grateful for all of the groups I have been a part of and for the people that I have been able to share life with along the way. I am thankful for the prayer, encouragement, friendship, tears and laughter as we have walked together and discerned God's word together. I firmly believe in the importance of small groups for spiritual growth and I would encourage you to find one where there is common purpose, shared expectations and high trust so that you can get a true taste of kingdom life.
Em
Are there other elements that contribute to a great small group? I'd love it if you left a comment.
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| Image: Cristina Cerda - CC0 1.0 |
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