Adjusting Expectations of Self

Photo by Liana Mikah on Unsplash

Do you carry the burden of weight from expectations that you place upon yourself?
We all feel the weight of expectations at different times, and I don’t know about you but the expectations of others in my life are a far lighter load, than the ones that I often have for myself. 

Over the years I have had to learn (and relearn) to temper the expectations for myself. The compounding characteristics of an achiever with perfectionist tendencies, driven by high levels of responsibility without healthy boundaries and expectations, lead to nowhere good. Sometimes a slight adjustment is all that is needed. 

We’ve recently celebrated the arrival of a new baby for some friends. I’ve always loved the love language of food, and appreciated the gift of not having to think about how to feed myself and the family in the fog of life with a newborn. I held a brief picture in my head of me in my 1950s housewife apron, whipping up culinary delights that would be at home on the menu of a hatted restaurant...and then I realised that I was setting some unhealthy expectations for myself. It’s a struggle feeding my own family. I rely on meal delivery to limit the amount of time spent on decision making, grocery shopping and meal preparation. Trying to meet my own expectations was going to lead to one of two outcomes. I would either add a level of stress and activity to my life and life of family that was going to cause some sort of angst or because I couldn’t achieve the perfect outcome in mind, I’d do nothing.

Instead I decided on a third option and adjusted the expectations I had for myself. What was I really trying to achieve? I wanted the newly minted parents to feel loved and supported, and not have to worry about preparing dinner for a couple of nights. Could I achieve the same outcome without adding to life’s load? Yes. There are probably half a dozen ways that I could do this. I chose to purchase and deliver some delicious meals from a local small business. My friends weren’t expecting anything, the only expectations adding weight were my own.By slightly adjusting the expectations that I had for myself,  I was able to show my friends love and support without creating unrealistic expectations for myself. 

Are there areas of your life where you are carrying a burden of expectation that you have created for yourself? How could you adjust those expectations to achieve your hoped for outcome in a healthier way?

Have you found the freedom that comes from adjusting an expectation that you have for yourself? I’d love for you to share your story.

P.S  I also purchased a meal for my family too, which solved last night's dinner problem 😃

Top tips for facilitating online meetings

Photo by visuals on Unsplash

Facilitating workshops, training and various types of meetings is something that I love to do. Many workplaces have had to move to digital spaces due to the current COVID-19 crisis, and are now using video conferencing software like Zoom to keep teams connected and to continue to work productively.

While there are definite advantages to online meetings, like being able to connect a geographically dispersed team, if you don't adjust your facilitation techniques to the digital space, your meeting participants, will be scrolling emails and watching TikToks before you know it and you won't even know it.

Recently I was asked to share my top tips with a group of workshop facilitators, and this is what they were:

1. Lift your energy levels - If you don't do anything else, do this!

Engaging your meeting participants for a sustained period requires additional energy. Just chatting with the screen in a large meeting will have people zoning out and checking their email or doing other things very quickly. My advice is to at least double the energy that you would normally present with so that it makes it through to the other side of the screen.

If you have one, work with your co-facilitator to create energy together – interact, ask questions, laugh at each other’s jokes :D

2. Be aware of your body language and in-frame distractions

Look directly at the camera where possible (rather than at a second screen or elsewhere in the room) so that people feel like you are talking directly to them. People have a tendency to forget that they are being viewed by an audience up close and personal on the screen. Be mindful of your body language - stretching, yawning, slumping in your chair, is all captured front and center.

While you might be able to get away with wearing your slippers, anything that is in frame can make or break the engagement of your participants. That goes for your background too - weird painting, school photo of you at 15, your pet guinea pigs - check that there's nothing too distracting in frame.


3. Work with a co-facilitator

For larger groups it is helpful to have a co-facilitator. Assign roles specific roles. For example, one person can host the meeting, and a co facilitator can monitor chat for questions and comments, be the one responding to technical queries and the phone calls letting you know that they can't get their sound working.


4. Use names

The advantage of Zoom and most video conferencing software is that the names of your participants are listed on the screen. Use names to direct questions and elicit comments from the group. Read the room, like you would in person. Do they look like they have a question or want to say something? Ask them.

5. Don't mute yourself

If you are the meeting host, co-host or facilitator, don't mute yourself (unless you're going to sneeze). Facilitators needs to be able to jump in, redirect, add comments and be conversational. Try to create as much natural energy and flow as possible. A moment missed or an awkward 5 seconds while you try to find the button to unmute can undermine that flow.


6. Leverage the software functions and outline protocols

Leverage the functionality of your software - use chat, polls and screen share functions to provide different ways for people to participate. As a host you can mute video and audio of participants. You may need to do these if people haven’t used Zoom before, or there’s too much background noise or other distractions - like the empty chair of the person who signed in earlier but is nowhere to be seen now.

At the beginning of your session, outline any protocols that you are going to use in the meeting, for example post your questions in the chat as we go, just jump in to comment or use the 'raise hand' function if you want to respond.